I sat on this post for a week or so before posting it, but I think that this should have some kind of permanent record. Things are moving rather strangely for me, and I want to be able to make sense of this part of the story when I look back on it later in life. So, here goes:
My life has been rather crazy lately. I've been learning and doing and growing at every turn, and mostly when I am not looking. I'm learning to sit back into the momentum and ride the wave so that I can enjoy it, rather than pushing it and burning out quickly. I want this forward momentum to last for a while.
I've been learning ancient Greek! The Attic dialect, specifically. It's quite an adventure, but I think that it will ultimately help me out. I know that Latin really changed the way that I think about a lot of things, specifically language, and I think that Greek is already having a similar effect. While Latin gave me grace, I think that Greek is going to give me some much-needed poetry in my language. In fact, I already feel myself being more inclined to poetry and poetic forms of expression, feelings that only increase as I switch into a more Greek state of mind. Which brings me to my next topic, and the meat of this entry.
I think my main problem with getting farther into witchcraft is a lack of ability to think metaphorically and symbolically, which is really the language of witchcraft. I've always tried to be direct and literal in my thinking, but I am slowly realizing how that should change. As a Feri would say, I had been ignoring my Younger Self. So, I have been exercising my Younger Self. And it has been a doozy.
I've been trying to identify a god that has been calling me. I have no idea who this god is, though I do know that discovering Him will ultimately be a process of self-discovery. I did a reading for it, though, and this is what I came up with. One of my first instinctual names for this god was Apollo, but it never seemed quite right. So, I thought of Lugh, but once again this did not fit exactly. Notable among the other contenders were Hermes and Dionysus, mainly for trickster associations, but there are of course other pertinent associations involved there. So, naturally I went to tarot for the answer.
One thing that popped up in the cards that really confused me was a reference to water birds, namely cranes. So, I let the reading cook in the back of my head for a bit and went about my business. Then, quite by accident, as I was reading The Gods of the Celts by Miranda Green and I came across a strange bit of archaeological data: it turns out that the Celtic sun cult associated its god(s) with water birds. Later in the chapter, I came across something that explained another of the cards. The sun cult was intimately connected with the underworld and the processes of death and rebirth. So, I will soon be jumping off of that information and into upg-land to try to find some definition to this issue.
Then, a few nights ago under the waning quarter, I attended my first Sabbat-experience in the Otherworld. I met a very helpful witch in grey who pulled me into a dance and taught me a song that I already knew by heart. We danced and danced, spinning around until I looked up and was surrounded by new people wearing beautiful, flowing clothes: robes and layers and everywhere was a flutter of colors amongst Grecian columns (Corinthian, if I remember correctly). And all of the people had names embroidered on their chests. I talked to Aquarius (or was it Aries?) who was tending to her baby. It was the cutest little androgynous baby that I have ever seen, with long, flowing curls and the words 'Dog Star' embroidered on its chest. S/he was crying worse than I have ever heard a baby cry until s/he saw me. I picked the baby up and started talking to it, carrying it around while mingling with the other brightly colored stars in this party in the heavens. The scene changed again, right before I woke up, and I found myself talking to a warrior woman, taller than me and deeply shadowed. She asked me, "What is a warrior?" My answer was "A defender." She shared a secretive smile with me and I woke up with her face burned into my memory.
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