I sat on this post for a week or so before posting it, but I think that this should have some kind of permanent record. Things are moving rather strangely for me, and I want to be able to make sense of this part of the story when I look back on it later in life. So, here goes:
My life has been rather crazy lately. I've been learning and doing and growing at every turn, and mostly when I am not looking. I'm learning to sit back into the momentum and ride the wave so that I can enjoy it, rather than pushing it and burning out quickly. I want this forward momentum to last for a while.
I've been learning ancient Greek! The Attic dialect, specifically. It's quite an adventure, but I think that it will ultimately help me out. I know that Latin really changed the way that I think about a lot of things, specifically language, and I think that Greek is already having a similar effect. While Latin gave me grace, I think that Greek is going to give me some much-needed poetry in my language. In fact, I already feel myself being more inclined to poetry and poetic forms of expression, feelings that only increase as I switch into a more Greek state of mind. Which brings me to my next topic, and the meat of this entry.
I think my main problem with getting farther into witchcraft is a lack of ability to think metaphorically and symbolically, which is really the language of witchcraft. I've always tried to be direct and literal in my thinking, but I am slowly realizing how that should change. As a Feri would say, I had been ignoring my Younger Self. So, I have been exercising my Younger Self. And it has been a doozy.
I've been trying to identify a god that has been calling me. I have no idea who this god is, though I do know that discovering Him will ultimately be a process of self-discovery. I did a reading for it, though, and this is what I came up with. One of my first instinctual names for this god was Apollo, but it never seemed quite right. So, I thought of Lugh, but once again this did not fit exactly. Notable among the other contenders were Hermes and Dionysus, mainly for trickster associations, but there are of course other pertinent associations involved there. So, naturally I went to tarot for the answer.
One thing that popped up in the cards that really confused me was a reference to water birds, namely cranes. So, I let the reading cook in the back of my head for a bit and went about my business. Then, quite by accident, as I was reading The Gods of the Celts by Miranda Green and I came across a strange bit of archaeological data: it turns out that the Celtic sun cult associated its god(s) with water birds. Later in the chapter, I came across something that explained another of the cards. The sun cult was intimately connected with the underworld and the processes of death and rebirth. So, I will soon be jumping off of that information and into upg-land to try to find some definition to this issue.
Then, a few nights ago under the waning quarter, I attended my first Sabbat-experience in the Otherworld. I met a very helpful witch in grey who pulled me into a dance and taught me a song that I already knew by heart. We danced and danced, spinning around until I looked up and was surrounded by new people wearing beautiful, flowing clothes: robes and layers and everywhere was a flutter of colors amongst Grecian columns (Corinthian, if I remember correctly). And all of the people had names embroidered on their chests. I talked to Aquarius (or was it Aries?) who was tending to her baby. It was the cutest little androgynous baby that I have ever seen, with long, flowing curls and the words 'Dog Star' embroidered on its chest. S/he was crying worse than I have ever heard a baby cry until s/he saw me. I picked the baby up and started talking to it, carrying it around while mingling with the other brightly colored stars in this party in the heavens. The scene changed again, right before I woke up, and I found myself talking to a warrior woman, taller than me and deeply shadowed. She asked me, "What is a warrior?" My answer was "A defender." She shared a secretive smile with me and I woke up with her face burned into my memory.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Friday, September 14, 2012
School Time and the Turning of the Wheel
So school is back in session. And, while that is exciting, there is a certain amount of tension in the air. It's a good tension, though: that breathless excitement that you get when you realize that you are hurtling toward some unknown destination that is only visible in the periphery. And you are afraid to even try to look at it too closely unless it changes because you looked at it, changes for the worse. But, it is there, and it is big, and there is the sense that if it crumbles it will crush you, even from this distance. Yeah, that kind of feeling.
So, there has been a semi-scheduled break in my tradition classes. I call it semi-scheduled because the scheduling was out of the control of both my teacher and myself. Schedules conflict, and maybe that's a sign that it's time to slow down a little. I am thankful for the break, though, since it allows me to focus on my school work and ensure that I make the grades I need.
But, minds being what they are, the learning process never stops, and I have been kicking around some thoughts with Nymphaea in our free time. She convinced me to post some of what I've been talking to her about on here, so here goes.
Don't kill me, as these are just my own thoughts, though I welcome comments:
The Wheel of the Year is a big concept within the larger pagan community. It symbolizes everything: life, death, love, hate, light, dark; and the whole is much greater than the sum of its parts. I posted earlier about how, in my view, the Sabbats were divided into two alternating stories: the story of agriculture, and the story of light. I have been thinking about this, and since everything is a mirror of something else, I feel that these can also be related to people on a personal level as the stories of action and body/spirit. This is where it gets tricky, though. I do not agree that the solstices are the turning point of the solar year from light to darkness or darkness to light. Rather, the equinoxes are the turning points.
I drew this out as a sine wave (because nerd) where the solstices are the highest and lowest points (because they are). I mean, I feel that the longest day is pretty obviously the height of the light half of the year (still talking solar here). This puts the equinoxes halfway between, at the line, 0, the perfect balance between positive and negative. However, there is a downward slope after Midsummer before you get to 0, just as there is an upward slope on the other side of Yule. So, the issue, when looking for turning points, becomes whether you are looking for the light/dark dichotomy or the rising/falling dichotomy (incidentally, this works with the moon phases too, since the full and dark moons are the points of power and the quarters are the turning points) . Because, in the standard interpretations that I have heard, people are looking at the rising/falling dichotomy instead of looking at the tone of the season. This is not the way my inner world works. My magic is as light as it is dark, and I wish to celebrate these halfway points as more important explicitly because they are equal as well.
So, as we approach the equinox, the end of the Light draws near and the time of the Dark is just beginning. Let us move away from the physical growth that occupied our spirits and instead feed those spirits. Let them feast at the table of the Lord of the Underworld and his Dark Lady, for this is where wisdom is gained.
So, there has been a semi-scheduled break in my tradition classes. I call it semi-scheduled because the scheduling was out of the control of both my teacher and myself. Schedules conflict, and maybe that's a sign that it's time to slow down a little. I am thankful for the break, though, since it allows me to focus on my school work and ensure that I make the grades I need.
But, minds being what they are, the learning process never stops, and I have been kicking around some thoughts with Nymphaea in our free time. She convinced me to post some of what I've been talking to her about on here, so here goes.
Don't kill me, as these are just my own thoughts, though I welcome comments:
The Wheel of the Year is a big concept within the larger pagan community. It symbolizes everything: life, death, love, hate, light, dark; and the whole is much greater than the sum of its parts. I posted earlier about how, in my view, the Sabbats were divided into two alternating stories: the story of agriculture, and the story of light. I have been thinking about this, and since everything is a mirror of something else, I feel that these can also be related to people on a personal level as the stories of action and body/spirit. This is where it gets tricky, though. I do not agree that the solstices are the turning point of the solar year from light to darkness or darkness to light. Rather, the equinoxes are the turning points.
I drew this out as a sine wave (because nerd) where the solstices are the highest and lowest points (because they are). I mean, I feel that the longest day is pretty obviously the height of the light half of the year (still talking solar here). This puts the equinoxes halfway between, at the line, 0, the perfect balance between positive and negative. However, there is a downward slope after Midsummer before you get to 0, just as there is an upward slope on the other side of Yule. So, the issue, when looking for turning points, becomes whether you are looking for the light/dark dichotomy or the rising/falling dichotomy (incidentally, this works with the moon phases too, since the full and dark moons are the points of power and the quarters are the turning points) . Because, in the standard interpretations that I have heard, people are looking at the rising/falling dichotomy instead of looking at the tone of the season. This is not the way my inner world works. My magic is as light as it is dark, and I wish to celebrate these halfway points as more important explicitly because they are equal as well.
So, as we approach the equinox, the end of the Light draws near and the time of the Dark is just beginning. Let us move away from the physical growth that occupied our spirits and instead feed those spirits. Let them feast at the table of the Lord of the Underworld and his Dark Lady, for this is where wisdom is gained.
Friday, August 3, 2012
Lammas
Well, it's Friday, and I said I would post, so here it is. I slacked (a lot) on the exercise this week. And by that I mean I did a couple exhaustion tests with one of my friends on Monday so that we could gauge were we are for a fitness program (yeah, bodyweight exercises). Beyond that, I did about five minutes of yoga while watching old episodes of Buffy last night. So, the fitness train has currently been delayed.
In other news, my family has a puppy! We are now the owners of a 9 week old Irish wolfhound. And I get to see him tonight. Which means you all get to see him in my next post. I'm thinking about taking the puppy for a run tomorrow to see how much I retained from my few weeks of regular workouts.
On the subject of working out, my body is doing this weird thing of losing fat but not changing weight. It's strange and I have no idea how to deal with it, but I enjoy that my clothes fit better now. At least things are changing.
This past Wednesday was Lammas, Lughnasadh, what-have-you. Feast of the grain harvest, beginning of the harvest season, and the shift into the declining half of the year (declining rather than dark, Earth-centered rather than solar). Here, we eat of the grain god/dess and start setting aside reserves for the long nights ahead. We decided to celebrate together potluck-style over at Nymphaea's place. There we had a feast of savory delights (all centered around grain). I brought a spicy Asian-style honey-chicken dish served over rice, Nymphaea cooked red beans and rice, her roommate cooked corn, there was pie and bread and green beans and beer. We ate with our ancestors, our gods, our community, and the land itself as we took place in this ancient rite, feasting in a place that is just slightly beyond the ordinary.
Everything was wonderful, the cats were adorable, and the only bad part of the night was saying goodbye. Everyone there wanted it to continue forever, but the time came when we had to bid our spiritual guests farewell and step back into our normal lives. It was bittersweet, with much affection felt from both sides, and promises made to meet again soon. It was as profound and moving as could be expected, but it was even more meaningful in its simplicity. We came together as friends and family to share our food and our warmth, and all of the spirits there wanted the same thing, the warmth and laughter and food all around. I'll try to get some pictures from Nymphaea, but if that's not possible, I'll let you know when she posts them.
Until next time, my friends.
In other news, my family has a puppy! We are now the owners of a 9 week old Irish wolfhound. And I get to see him tonight. Which means you all get to see him in my next post. I'm thinking about taking the puppy for a run tomorrow to see how much I retained from my few weeks of regular workouts.
On the subject of working out, my body is doing this weird thing of losing fat but not changing weight. It's strange and I have no idea how to deal with it, but I enjoy that my clothes fit better now. At least things are changing.
This past Wednesday was Lammas, Lughnasadh, what-have-you. Feast of the grain harvest, beginning of the harvest season, and the shift into the declining half of the year (declining rather than dark, Earth-centered rather than solar). Here, we eat of the grain god/dess and start setting aside reserves for the long nights ahead. We decided to celebrate together potluck-style over at Nymphaea's place. There we had a feast of savory delights (all centered around grain). I brought a spicy Asian-style honey-chicken dish served over rice, Nymphaea cooked red beans and rice, her roommate cooked corn, there was pie and bread and green beans and beer. We ate with our ancestors, our gods, our community, and the land itself as we took place in this ancient rite, feasting in a place that is just slightly beyond the ordinary.
Everything was wonderful, the cats were adorable, and the only bad part of the night was saying goodbye. Everyone there wanted it to continue forever, but the time came when we had to bid our spiritual guests farewell and step back into our normal lives. It was bittersweet, with much affection felt from both sides, and promises made to meet again soon. It was as profound and moving as could be expected, but it was even more meaningful in its simplicity. We came together as friends and family to share our food and our warmth, and all of the spirits there wanted the same thing, the warmth and laughter and food all around. I'll try to get some pictures from Nymphaea, but if that's not possible, I'll let you know when she posts them.
Until next time, my friends.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Presences
As an effect of my student-hood for my tradition, I have become more aware of the presence of spiritual forces around me in my everyday life. Nothing that I have experienced thus far has been anywhere close to the intensity with which I feel this presence at times. It's like a surge of caffeine/adrenaline that pumps through my limbs, making me feel like with just a little effort I could step into the sky. Unlike caffeine and adrenaline, however, I don't crash afterward. I find myself completely aware of every contraction of every muscle as I am walking around campus doing my job, and instead of feeling tired after lugging my load of books around, I feel exhilarated and energized, excited and maybe a little crazed about the thought of doing it again. I have also been having weirdly aggressive/protective thoughts lately. Like, I want to protect my family from physical harm, and when it comes down to it, my first instinctual reaction is more often fight instead of flight.
These are another reason that I find myself exercising more than before. The feeling of exertion and the sheer physicality of it is amazing, and I find myself having to force myself to quit to avoid injury toward the end of the workout.
I can only think that this is the influence of some divine masculine force. The call of the male archetype has never been very strong for me, though it was less foreign than the female archetype. As I progress into my young adulthood, I find myself more and more often identifying with warriors in the stories that I read, because deep down I know that I share that same drive, that same sense of protective duty.
I have tentatively identified this source as the God of the sun, a force that I have worked with before but not one that I have actively identified with. I was much more of a Nature/Storm God person myself, though that may have something to do with a father-archetype protector-of-my-person thing than actual identity. The reason that I have made the connection with the sun is that the feelings are at their strongest when I am out under the sun. I can feel it over the course of the first moments whenever I walk out into the sun; the power and sense of excitement pervade my every fiber, and there are times that I even feel my perceptions shifting subtly. My eyesight gets sharper, feelings intensify, my sense of smell even gets better. These sensations, I feel, are the senses of the divine warrior, tuning my sense to a more advantageous level.
Because of these feelings and my new found energy, I have decided that exercising is going to be a devotional time to this new feeling, exploring it and my relationship to the god that brings it. Maybe I will look more into Lugh. He fits the pantheon I feel drawn to, is the sun, a great warrior, and is commonly identified with the Gaulic Lugus, whose iconography included ravens, among other things. Yes, this is a stretch, but maybe this is a sign that I need to expand my pantheon. Lots of questions to answer. Lots of soul searching to do. Lots of miles to run. Until next time, guys.
These are another reason that I find myself exercising more than before. The feeling of exertion and the sheer physicality of it is amazing, and I find myself having to force myself to quit to avoid injury toward the end of the workout.
I can only think that this is the influence of some divine masculine force. The call of the male archetype has never been very strong for me, though it was less foreign than the female archetype. As I progress into my young adulthood, I find myself more and more often identifying with warriors in the stories that I read, because deep down I know that I share that same drive, that same sense of protective duty.
I have tentatively identified this source as the God of the sun, a force that I have worked with before but not one that I have actively identified with. I was much more of a Nature/Storm God person myself, though that may have something to do with a father-archetype protector-of-my-person thing than actual identity. The reason that I have made the connection with the sun is that the feelings are at their strongest when I am out under the sun. I can feel it over the course of the first moments whenever I walk out into the sun; the power and sense of excitement pervade my every fiber, and there are times that I even feel my perceptions shifting subtly. My eyesight gets sharper, feelings intensify, my sense of smell even gets better. These sensations, I feel, are the senses of the divine warrior, tuning my sense to a more advantageous level.
Because of these feelings and my new found energy, I have decided that exercising is going to be a devotional time to this new feeling, exploring it and my relationship to the god that brings it. Maybe I will look more into Lugh. He fits the pantheon I feel drawn to, is the sun, a great warrior, and is commonly identified with the Gaulic Lugus, whose iconography included ravens, among other things. Yes, this is a stretch, but maybe this is a sign that I need to expand my pantheon. Lots of questions to answer. Lots of soul searching to do. Lots of miles to run. Until next time, guys.
Back! (again)
So my friend, Nymphaea, over at the Inner Sanctum has forced inspired me to get back into this whole blogging thing, and now I think that my life is in order enough that i can reliably do this. I'm going to start off slow, posting stuff at least every Friday, but hopefully later I can move it up to every few days. Anyway, enough of the excuses. Time for news!
Since I last left you, I have been super busy. I'm now living in a real, grown-up apartment with my real, grown-up friends. This is bringing along with it such adult activities as working full time and paying bills, making sure we don't starve, and making sure my plants don't die of neglect, as well as some rather unfortunate side-effects such as complaining about the weather and dirty dishes. Oh well, I guess this means that my life is good. I know I'm not complaining, especially since I now live with my amazing boyfriend full time (and not in a college dorm). I've never experienced this much change and growth before now (at least not consciously), so this adulthood thing is kind of like missing a step going down stairs. It's a little scary while it is happening, but immediately afterward there is that exhilarating sense of euphoria as the adrenaline pumps through the body. Like that, but in the soul.
Anyway, new responsibilities also include exercising, which used to be a curse word in my vocabulary. See, I started losing weight and really liked the way that I looked, so I decided to keep it up. not wanting to get too skinny, I've now decided to start doing some muscle sculpting exercises. Starting on Sunday, I want to be in the gym for twenty to thirty minutes a day, six days a week. I'll alternate days between aerobic and anaerobic exercise, so hopefully I build muscle at around the same rate as I lose fat. We'll see how that goes in a couple weeks, though.
As far as paganism, boy things have changed a lot. I have found, through research that I have recently been doing, that the hazy, pseudo-Wiccan stuff that I had been doing was not fulfilling for me. I have found this out because, as of just before Beltane, I am now a student of a tradition! I may post more about the tradition later, if I feel called, but for right now just know that I now have a group of people with which to practice my Craft. My teacher, who is an amazing kitchen/green/everything witch has me doing an amazing amount of coursework which is really helping me cement my practices in my daily life. I'll be posting revelations as they happen, as well as rambling on about stuff that happened in the Interim, which is what I will now call this extended silence.
Thanks for sticking with me, and to all of my new friends, welcome to my blog! For your safety, keep your seat belts on and your extremities inside the vehicle for the duration of the ride.
Since I last left you, I have been super busy. I'm now living in a real, grown-up apartment with my real, grown-up friends. This is bringing along with it such adult activities as working full time and paying bills, making sure we don't starve, and making sure my plants don't die of neglect, as well as some rather unfortunate side-effects such as complaining about the weather and dirty dishes. Oh well, I guess this means that my life is good. I know I'm not complaining, especially since I now live with my amazing boyfriend full time (and not in a college dorm). I've never experienced this much change and growth before now (at least not consciously), so this adulthood thing is kind of like missing a step going down stairs. It's a little scary while it is happening, but immediately afterward there is that exhilarating sense of euphoria as the adrenaline pumps through the body. Like that, but in the soul.
Anyway, new responsibilities also include exercising, which used to be a curse word in my vocabulary. See, I started losing weight and really liked the way that I looked, so I decided to keep it up. not wanting to get too skinny, I've now decided to start doing some muscle sculpting exercises. Starting on Sunday, I want to be in the gym for twenty to thirty minutes a day, six days a week. I'll alternate days between aerobic and anaerobic exercise, so hopefully I build muscle at around the same rate as I lose fat. We'll see how that goes in a couple weeks, though.
As far as paganism, boy things have changed a lot. I have found, through research that I have recently been doing, that the hazy, pseudo-Wiccan stuff that I had been doing was not fulfilling for me. I have found this out because, as of just before Beltane, I am now a student of a tradition! I may post more about the tradition later, if I feel called, but for right now just know that I now have a group of people with which to practice my Craft. My teacher, who is an amazing kitchen/green/everything witch has me doing an amazing amount of coursework which is really helping me cement my practices in my daily life. I'll be posting revelations as they happen, as well as rambling on about stuff that happened in the Interim, which is what I will now call this extended silence.
Thanks for sticking with me, and to all of my new friends, welcome to my blog! For your safety, keep your seat belts on and your extremities inside the vehicle for the duration of the ride.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Wheel of the Year
So, I have been thinking about the Wiccan Wheel of the Year. I like the Sabbats that Wiccans observe, as they mark important times in the functioning of the year, such as marking the equinoxes, for instance. Casual observation leads an observer to note that the Sabbats are divided into two categories: the equinoxes and solstices, and the others. I looked further into this and applied some knowledge gleaned from meditation.
If one looks closely at the story of the year as told through the relationship of the god and goddess, one realizes that different aspects come into focus at different points throughout the story. In particular, the god and goddess switch between two themes: at one Sabbat, they are deities of the fields and woodlands, while in the next they are solar deities, symbolized by the sun and moon.
Combining these two observances led me to realize that the switch happens at every other Sabbat, so that the first category (equinoxes and solstices) tell the story of a pair of solar deities, while the second category tells the story of earth-based deities that rule plant and animal life. Each set of Sabbats roughly corresponds to one of the four great stages of life: birth, life/marriage, decline, and death. Applied to an agricultural lifestyle, this would be planting, growing, harvesting, and waiting / planning.
When I have done some further meditation on this, I will post my ideas.
If one looks closely at the story of the year as told through the relationship of the god and goddess, one realizes that different aspects come into focus at different points throughout the story. In particular, the god and goddess switch between two themes: at one Sabbat, they are deities of the fields and woodlands, while in the next they are solar deities, symbolized by the sun and moon.
Combining these two observances led me to realize that the switch happens at every other Sabbat, so that the first category (equinoxes and solstices) tell the story of a pair of solar deities, while the second category tells the story of earth-based deities that rule plant and animal life. Each set of Sabbats roughly corresponds to one of the four great stages of life: birth, life/marriage, decline, and death. Applied to an agricultural lifestyle, this would be planting, growing, harvesting, and waiting / planning.
When I have done some further meditation on this, I will post my ideas.
Shield Renewed
So, I have been gone for a while. It seems life caught up to me, and I have had some stuff to deal with. The good news is that I am still alive and should be posting a bit more often.
In other news, I renewed the shield that I put up around my parents' house. This time, I anointed myself with lavender based anointing oil and offered a gift of herbs at each point. I offered sprigs of rosemary, lavender, and sage (all of which had been grown on the property) and meditated at the center with my Faery Gate, a piece of flourite that I enchanted in a ritual with Chelsea over at Inner Sanctum last year. The gate acts as a focus when I am trying to contact / channel energies from the Otherworld. During the meditation, I promised to burn a dedicated candle every night for a week if they would empower the shield for the coming year.
I could feel the energy of the night, and every night that I burned the candle, I (and even my boyfriend, who had no idea why I lit the candle) could feel the presence in the room. The energy / being(s) that answered my call seemed well satisfied, though I could tell it (they) had teeth. I really hope no one sends any bad mojo toward my parents; I have a feeling they won't like what they get in return.
In other news, I renewed the shield that I put up around my parents' house. This time, I anointed myself with lavender based anointing oil and offered a gift of herbs at each point. I offered sprigs of rosemary, lavender, and sage (all of which had been grown on the property) and meditated at the center with my Faery Gate, a piece of flourite that I enchanted in a ritual with Chelsea over at Inner Sanctum last year. The gate acts as a focus when I am trying to contact / channel energies from the Otherworld. During the meditation, I promised to burn a dedicated candle every night for a week if they would empower the shield for the coming year.
I could feel the energy of the night, and every night that I burned the candle, I (and even my boyfriend, who had no idea why I lit the candle) could feel the presence in the room. The energy / being(s) that answered my call seemed well satisfied, though I could tell it (they) had teeth. I really hope no one sends any bad mojo toward my parents; I have a feeling they won't like what they get in return.
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